We’ve been had! Genres that don’t exist.
June 12th 2008 00:55
Hey, Moby, can you teach me to play some of your eclectic instruments?
Once upon a time, we believed that rain came from the God of Rain. We now know that rain is just H20 changing state. In the same way, we once believed that these genres actually existed, whereas we now know they were just convenient umbrellas cooked up by some under-zealous marketing department:
World Music
The Marketing department said: “It’s music you can’t categorise from a place you can’t visit, with some bongos and maybe some chimes and African ladies singing and shit.”
The truth: It’s an umbrella to lazily describe every genre that developed outside the Western World or East Asia. World music is no more a genre than ‘fruits of the forest’ is a real jam flavour.
Status: non-existent.
Alternative
The Marketing department said: “it’s not pop or metal or jazz or folk. But it could be. Or it might be Kylie Minogue as well. We’re not sure.”
The truth: The real meaning of ‘Alternative’ is a closely guarded industry secret – I presume. Why am I here? Is there a God? What the f%^& do you mean by ‘Alternative’???
Mood Music
The Marketing department said: “It’s music to set a mood.” Is that as opposed to ‘non-mood’ music?
The truth: ‘Mood’ music was synthesisers to have sex to, but nowadays society has sex to trip-hop and people who listen to 80s synthesisers don’t get sex anyway.
Status: non-existent.
Prog Rock
The Marketing department said: “It’s experimental rock”.
The truth: When thousands of people have been doing something for forty years, it is no longer either progressive or experimental. Der.
Status: non-existent.
Garage Rock
The Marketing department said: “It’s raw rock’n’roll, it, er… originated in the 1960s… er… Garage Revival!”
The truth: ‘Raw’ can be decoded as ‘under-produced’ and ‘under-developed’. A garage rock song is just a fast, slow, rock, punk, bass-y, treble-y, distorted, clean, pop, anti-pop anything song… in beta.
Status: non-existent.
Coming soon to a record store near you…
Worldcore! Jazzlite! Pop’n’Roll! Edu-punk! Retro Techno! Euro Blues!
It’s guitar wielding sponsor kiddies on crack! Or not! With rap! Or not! Wow!
| 163 |
| Vote |
subscribe to this blog
Comment by Brenton
Dr Spin
Tales From The Other Side
Blip Blog
Gadget Museum
Comment by Morgan Bell
Science News
Deep Pencil
Business News
Movie Train
Comment by slacko
Blog du slack
Comment by Thoraiya Dyer
Demented World
I can remember being told by some trendoid at uni that he listened to "alternative" music. When I asked, "alternative to what?" he gave me the finger and kept walking.
Comment by Lord Waterfront Yuppie
Noise Pets
All ye trendoids, chant with me now: "We're all non-conformists... We're all non-conformists..."
P.S. Morgan I forgot someone before: David Calthorpe!